It is important that you have been following this series for the right sequence, especially with the topic of honesty. If you strive for honesty before there is communication, you may have some out of season fireworks. Trying to make the cheater be honest before you have communication or before you have been honest will …bring emotional explosions. Like a special recipe, there is a reason for things being in the order that they are in. With honesty, the ingredients are not interchangeable. Honesty is one of those items where you have to be honest with yourself before you expect them to be honest with you.
Honesty requires that both of you to be committed to the relationship. It is only when you have a strong relationship that can handle honesty. One big mistake many couples make is to demand honesty before the fragile state of the relationship can handle it. Honesty requires courage from both you and your spouse. You will need to have courage to hear what they tell you. If you want them to be honest, you will have to hear what they tell you without correcting them or expecting that honesty to line up with your version of what happened. Honesty and truth are two separate issues. Confusing honesty and truth often leads to problems. You are setting yourself up for a heartache when you demand the cheater be honest and want to force that honesty into some pre-concieved ideas that you have about the affair, the motivations for it or what makes your spouse tick.
Best Regards,
Jeff Murrah
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