When a woman told me that “You have to have a man before you leave the one you are with”, I was flabbergasted. Words couldn’t express the dismay I felt at the hubris of such a statement.
Prior to her telling me that, I had the image of her going from man to man like Tarzan swings from tree to tree. On hearing her statement, I realized that her behavior was a reflection of her attitude.
Cheaters develop cheating attitudes long before the cheating behavior happens. Development of a cheating attitude often happens before the cheating behavior is seen.
Out of necessity, the two go hand in hand. The only way an adulterous woman can keep doing what she’s doing without conviction of guilt is by having an adulterous attitude first.
The hard heart happens before the hard behavior.
Even in using the term ‘the one you are with’ rather than saying ‘the one I am married to’ or ‘my husband’ shows a disdain for marriage and her husband.
For such a person, marriage is not an institution, it’s a temporary status that can be changed at will. When marriage is no more serious than checking a few boxes and filling out some paperwork, you have some serious problems.
Yes, I’ve heard the other variants of such an attitude, about how even cars have spare tires, or that you have to have a back-up woman on the side. The cheating attitude is not limited to men or to women.
You may call them ‘spare tire affairs’ since they are available ‘just in case’ . Having such preparations and attitude amounts to affairs waiting to happen.
The cheater likely has already selected a lover and warmed them up. The spare tire mentality shows a lack of commitment to your marriage.
The attitude destroys marriages and families. It’s the ultimate expression of the selfish, “Looking out for #1” or “Me first”.
What this means for you is that you’ll need to be on the lookout for such an attitude. The would-be cheater will not often come out and tell you this.
You’re going to have to look for it. In the same manner where you often smell a skunk long before you see them, this same stinky attitude is seen before the cheating happens.
There’s many reasons for the attitude. What’s important is that you don’t ignore it.
The time for action is when you see the attitude.
If you don’t know what to do, the downloadable “Affair Recovery Workshop” guides you. You can know what to say, what to avoid saying along with ways of improving your relationship.
By making changes when you see the problem, you avoid years of heartache. You can nip this problem before the attitude has affair behavior that goes with it.
Best Regards,
Jeff
