Having a heart to heart talk with one of your grandparents is fascinating. There’s something about hearing stories of the challenges they faced along with how they handled them.
In growing up, you always saw them as your grandparent. You never realized what they had been through and the lessons they learned.
You seldom consider that they were once young, vibrant and full of dreams at one time as well. They faced challenges and limitations you never imagined.
One of my grandmothers kept the challenges she faced secret. Although I tried talking with her about them, she managed dodging the topic.
She felt that some things were best not talked about. Her strategy allowed her to move on with life. That was a coping skill for her day and time.
She did what she had to do and refused talking about her past and the two tragic deaths of siblings in her family that she endured. Even though I could see the impact of trauma on her face, she refused talking about any events.
In her pictures, there was always a sadness I didn’t understand at the time.
It was only years after she died in going through Ancestry.com and other research, including old newspapers, that I was finally able to piece together what happened in her life.
She endured several traumas in her life. She made it through them, yet the wounds stayed with her.
What brain researchers are finding now is that trauma and reactions to it are passed on. The chemical messages and changes they bring are passed on.
Think about that for a moment. The trials and traumas your grandparent faced impacts you. Yes, those episodes are long gone.
They many not even be talked about, yet they shape you and how you deal with the world around you. The bottom line is…trauma is passed down to your children and grandchildren.
Researchers in the field of epigenetics are finding that even the diets of your grandparents impact your health. It only follows that if diet has such an impact that something that shakes you to your core also leaves an impact.
Even though they aren’t discussed, it doesn’t mean that you’re free from them. Those events changed your grandparents down to a cellular level.
Previous generations assumed that when they moved past the trauma, it was over. They never dreamed that the changes brought impact their children and grandchildren. It literally changes their DNA.
This means that the trauma you experienced with the affair has a long tail. It will impact your children and grandchildren.
Just getting past the trauma doesn’t mean that it’s over. Even if you choose never to discuss it, that doesn’t mean you resolved it.
Every trauma leaves scars and body memories.
Not talking about a traumatic event doesn’t mean the effects won’t be felt. My grandmother made that mistake. Refusing discussions about them are a way of making sure that the ripple effect of trauma continues through the generations.
That’s where my “Dealing with Affair Trauma” video comes in. It shows you ways of dealing with trauma and its impact. You’ll learn ways of calming yourself down and in doing so, release your body from being ‘on edge’. The effects of trauma don’t have to be something that you pass down.
The lessons you learn in moving past the hurts in your life are important.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
