In terms of logic, there’s a cause and effect connection between dating and affairs. When you date someone, it can lead to an affair. Although that seems logical enough, when you are caught up in the excitement of new relationships and attention, you may not be thinking clearly enough to see the connection between dating and affairs.
You may not think that the person who you’ve gone out with a few times could turn into an affair. Those dinner dates or drinks can easily turn into something else.
Your denial may not want to see your meeting someone for drinks as a date either, or going to the new exhibition at the gallery as a date either. You may view it as ‘we’re just friends getting together’. The cheater may not see their dating as ‘dating’. They may view it as something else, although you see it for what it is.
You may even be excusing your ‘dating’ based on their being problems in your marriage. In your mind, you deserve to have a little fun, and companionship. The problem is that going out is dating. You can water down the term all you want, but it is still dating.
While I am on the subject, another watered down term is that of ‘casual dating’. This is the modern day term for ‘hook-ups’. When you say you are casually dating someone, you have the get togethers, but not on any kind of formal or structured basis. It is a way of saying you are seeing someone without any emotional commitment to them or the relationship. It amounts to shacking up with a new paint job.
Whether you call it going out, meeting someone, or dating, or ‘casual dating’, it can still lead to an affair. Some people would refer to any kind of dating as ‘an affair’. Whether or not it is an affair at that point, the dating is a precursor to an affair.
You can try excusing it by telling yourself that your spouse is out of town, deployed overseas, works the night shift or whatever. Those are merely excuses. There is no good reason to date or go out when you are married.
Dating when you are married send a strong message of rejection to your spouse. You may tell yourself “They told me it was okay”. The reality is they may have said that just to test your intentions. They may have wanted to find out if you would really do it. They may want to have an affair themselves, yet want you to stray first, so that they have a built in excuse or fallback for when they have an affair.
The bottom line is, marriage and dating other people don’t mix. It sends the wrong message and weakens your own marriage. Even if there are problems in your marriage, going out with others is not the solution. If anything, going out with others on dates is the dis-solution to any marriage problems.
Are you wanting a solution or a dis-solution to your marriage?
Speaking of dating while married, If your marriage needs help, the answer is not dating someone else. The person you need to date is your spouse. If your marriage needs more excitement, it could be that the two of you are not connecting well with each other.
The “30 Days to a Better Marriage” shows you ways of making connection with your spouse. You can discover a side of them you’ve been missing.
Best Regards,
Jeff
