When your spouse tells you that “other people were just ‘toys’ and meant nothing” it puts you in a quandary. How should you respond to such a statement?
On the one hand when they tell you such things, they are trying to get you back. On the other hand, they showed you disloyalty and now want to minimize what they did.
Such statements present challenges. It would be one thing if you were totally objective. When it’s your spouse, you aren’t objective. You don’t see it objectively, nor can you.
This statement contains a giant red warning flag, yet most people miss it. When the cheater refers to other people as ‘toys’, it should alert you to danger. Referring to people as toys is a LOUD Relationship Fog horn alerting you that there’s danger ahead.
When lovers are viewed as ‘toys’, there are two dangers. The first danger is that they are alerting you to them not taking relationships seriously.
They don’t view sex as a serious matter. For them, it’s recreational. It’s a hobby, not an expression of love.
The second danger is that when they view others as toys, in all likelihood, they’ll view you as a toy one day as well. Their choice of referring to relationships with others as ‘toys’ alerts you to their values and way of viewing relationships.
Another point for considering is the transformation of toys from when they are the focus of their attention to when they mean nothing. When a child plays with a toy, at that moment, it is their world.
The toy only means ‘nothing’ when they have moved onto something else. These fickle changes are hallmarks of childhood. The whole play and discard approach is unhealthy for relationships.
When you hear people and relationships referred to as ‘toys’, your relationship needs help. The affair is not the only problem you have.
In the video, “Help for the Cheater: Starting the Road to Recovery“, the cheater can know ways of starting changes in your relationship.
Best Regards,
Jeff
