Today I wanted to touch on the topic of sexual addiction and leading a double life. I mention this based on findings from researchers. What they found was that one of the leading complaints from sex addicts is that they feel that they are two people.
These feelings of being two people can lead to a lot of shame and guilt. The sex addict feels like they are one person when they are with their family or friends, but then they feel like a completely different person when they are engaging in sexual activities. This can be incredibly confusing and frustrating, leading the addict to feel like they are living in two very different worlds.
In today’s day and age it becomes harder and harder to keep your private life private. The sex addict attempts to create a private life that is different from their public one.
Each part of themselves takes them in different directions. At first, attempts are made at keeping each in a different compartment. What starts off as keeping the parts of themselves separate becomes harder and harder. The addiction takes over and the addict begins to lie to their partner(s). What started as two sides to one person worsens. They eventually become two different people, or at least feel that way.
This can cause a lot of problems in the addict’s life. Their work life may suffer, as they are thinking about sex constantly. They may start to neglect their family and friends as they spend more time with their lover(s).
Trying to keep things separate is usually accompanied by a pattern of denial. There is an attempt not only at keeping them apart but also denying that they exist at all.
There are many who try very hard to hide the fact that they have a sex addiction. This is based on fear of being judged or potentially rejected for what they do.
The addict will eventually face a difficult choice. They can try to hide what they are doing or attempt to get help for it. If the latter is chosen, the person has to be ready for what comes their way when they are found out.
They have to be ready for how it impacts their family and their marriage. When their addiction comes out, it changes everyone it touches. One of those risks is that their spouse will leave them at a time when they need them the most.
When it comes to affairs, the sex addict views their relationships as something else used in feeding their addiction. They are interested in themselves and their own gratification. The trust and commitment that is required for a healthy relationship is often viewed as unimportant or even nonexistent.
The sex addict will rationalize their behavior. The more they rationalize, the more you feel like you are the one going crazy.If you are a spouse who is facing the challenge of sexual addiction or being married to one, a place to start is by dealing with the trauma associated with it.
In the video, “Overcoming Affair Trauma”, I share with you ways of moving past the traumas and getting unstuck. You don’t have to stay stuck in a strained existence. You can move your life forward instead of being surrounded by past hurts and scars. Download your copy of the video today.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
