There were many challenges I encountered on leaving the corporate world and going into private practice as a counselor. In the corporate world, each day was predictable and somewhat routine.
I knew when reports were due, could set my clock by the regular meetings and watched the QI (Quality Improvement) and UR (Utilization Review) metrics on a daily basis.The predictability, stability and routine gave me a sense of security.
Even on bad days, I knew from the past how things were going to go. There were patterns I could count on in the workplace.
Going from that stability and predictability into a world without it was scary. I entered a world without the safety net I had in working for someone else.
That new world forced changes on me. It changed how I looked at things. It forced me into a new routine. I lost the security that comes with stability.
The sudden loss of stability and predictability is one of the things that makes affairs traumatic. The world you lived in with its routines and safety is suddenly gone.
What you once were able to count on and believe in vanishes. With its disappearance, you are in a new world without the safety, security and stability you once had.
Somehow the predictability gave you a pattern or routine. It operates like a heartbeat in your marriage relationship. The affair changes that.
That predictability gave you a foundation. Whether or not it was strong or ideal or haphazard, it was still a foundation you counted on daily.
The sudden change throws you into a world where you don’t have a routine, you don’t know the rules and don’t know where you stand. It’s no wonder that you may experience the sensation of being lost or confused.
You and your spouse may not have realized how much of your identity was connected with having a stable marriage you could count on. Your spouse likely doesn’t get that that sudden loss also leaves you with feeling like you lost part of yourself.
You didn’t just lose your spouse and marriage, you lost yourself as well. You feel like a lost child searching for ways of finding your way back to safety.
There are ways of getting your old self back. You may not be able to save your marriage, but you can take steps to rescue yourself from feeling rudderless with news of the affair.
That news can leave you stuck in a long-term state of anxiety and uncertainty.
In the video, “Overcoming Affair Trauma” you’ll find ways of regaining your emotional stability and returning your mind to where you can think again.
There are ways of changing the patterns back to where you feel at ease again. There are ways of turning off the nightmare.
Although you couldn’t control the affair, you have some ability to get your old self back. You don’t have to stay in the twilight zone that comes with the shock of an affair.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
