In the movie, “Meet the Parents“, one of the main characters (Mr. Focker) referenced the ‘circle of trust’. Although the move was meant for entertainment, the idea of the circle of trust resonates with people.
Even those who haven’t seen the movie understand the idea of having a ‘circle of trust’. We live our lives with a series of concentric circle with greater levels of trust in the center of the circle.
Each level of the circles has fewer and fewer people in them and higher levels of trust.
This idea of the ‘circle of trust’ even came up at the church Bible study I attend today. One of the questions that came up with it concerned what happens when someone in that closest circle betrays you.
The initial reaction of many was that the person who did the betraying should be ejected from the circle. I was surprised at how fast they were in wanting the betrayer ejected with no hesitation.
I voiced my concern about immediately booting them out and provided examples concerning when casting out the betrayer is counter-productive to the relationship.
After thinking about my concerns regarding casting out those who betray trust, some began asking how someone regains their position in the circle of trust. They realized that booting someone out means you lose the relationship. You don’t just remove the pain, you remove any chance of healing the relationship.
Kicking someone out of your circle of trust may satisfy your desire for revenge, but it doesn’t say much about your commitment to those in the circle of trust. It also kicks them out and slams the door to reconciling.
It’s a statement about how ‘conditional’ things are in your circle of trust. It says that you only love them up to a particular point that they decide on. You are only loved and trusted as long as you live up to their standards.
It helps when those you’ve removed from your circle at least know what they need to do in order to regain your trust. They need to know what they did that damaged trust as well.
They need to know how to get back in and where the welcome mat is.
If you don’t know what makes for healthy trust, you’d be lost as to what to tell the cheater how to regain your trust. This is where the video, “How Can I Trust You Again?” comes in. It shows you what the ingredients of trust are along with ways of repairing them.
When you have a solid awareness of what part of trust needs work, it helps in repairing your marriage.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
