One of the challenges I encounter in working with couples dealing with affairs is complacency. By complacency, I mean that they complain about their situation. They may even talk about the discomfort of where their marriage is, yet they don’t have a clue about where they want their marriage to be. It almost seems like they’re stuck in limbo, always talking about the pain and never taking any meaningful steps to move forward.
Sure they wish the affair hadn’t happened, yet beyond that, they aren’t clear on what they want.
They know that they don’t like the current status, but haven’t considered what they want it to be like. They have no vision of what they want their marriage to be other than what it was.
Those couples find themselves treading emotional water. They stay stuck and make little to no progress in improving their marriage.
When I ask questions about their vision for their marriage, a common response is one of being stunned.
Have you considered your vision for your marriage? Do you see any kind of future for it?
Vision is not just some new age idea. Having vision is critical. One of the proverbs attributed to King Solomon states “Without a vision, the people perish.”
Hope is a good thing, yet hope won’t do you any good without having a vision about what you want your marriage to be.
Creating a vision for your marriage begins with having an honest conversation about what you both want and need from each other, as well as from the marriage.
It’s important to understand that having a shared vision does not mean agreeing on every detail; it means being able to discuss things openly in order to reach a mutual understanding about how you want your marriage to be. Without a vision, any decision will do if you make any at all. It’s vision that gives you direction and goals.
Rather than just settling for a marriage that will do, consider the potential of what it can be. The affair can be gotten over.
Getting past the affair does require vision. Your vision may not be sharp and defined. A fuzzy vision is better than no vision at all.
If you do have a vision of your marriage surviving the affair, that’s good. Now that you have a vision, you can begin acting on a game plan.
How are you going to help your marriage survive and move past the affair? One way of starting this part of the journey is with the Affair Recovery Workshop.
It’s contents guide you through many of the changes needed in improving your marriage. You can know better ways of handling conflict, getting your spouse to open up and have a clearer idea of the changes needed and ways of making those changes happen.
When you have a vision, you have direction and a goal.
If you have no vision, you may not be ready for change yet. When you’re ready, the workshop will be waiting for you.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
