Although I’ve mentioned the importance of boundaries and the importance of them, there are times I struggle with them. It’s as if I’ve allowed holes and gaps in my boundaries.
I intend to keep them, but crumple at times. Although those incidents are fewer than in years past, they still happen.
Then I struggle alternating between boundaries and building walls. At those times, I regroup.
During the regrouping, the first thing I do is check my attitude. Wrong attitudes are what turn boundaries into walls.
If my attitude is good, I look at what might be causing the crumple. It could be something as simple as fatigue or stress. Other times it’s something more complicated, like a situation that’s unresolved.
Once I identify the cause, I take steps to correct it. If it’s fatigue or stress, I’ll make adjustments.
In terms of gaps in my boundaries. There are times when people either catch me at vulnerable times or episodic transference episodes. Staying on top of those areas requires vigilance in addition to having a good attitude.
There are some people and situations that totally catch me off-guard. I want to maintain my boundaries, but I crumple. The part of me that wants to be nice overpowers the part of me that values being healthy and protecting myself.
I know that I need to work on this, but it’s not easy. It takes effort to maintain boundaries and sometimes that effort fails. But I’m going to keep trying because it’s important.
Maintaining boundaries can be difficult, especially when we’re dealing with tricky situations or people.
Wanting others to view you as being nice is an obstacle to healthy boundaries. It also indicates that you’re looking to others for your self-esteem, which is a dangerous position to be in. It makes you vulnerable to criticism and gaslighting.
Taking care of yourself is an important part of recovering from the affair, especially in reducing affair relapse risks. Having a good affair relapse prevention plan is important for you and the cheater. Both of you need healthy boundaries.
It’s not easy, but it’s worth the effort. Setting and maintaining boundaries can help to protect your well-being, reduce drama in relationships, and create healthy relationships. It will be difficult at times, but with practice and a commitment to yourself, you can do it.
In the video, Overcoming Affair Relapse, I go deeper into boundaries and their importance in maintaining healthy functioning. Your marriage won’t be perfect after an affair, but it can be better.
Take the step of ordering the video today.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
