Although I get along with most people, there are a few I worked with that produced some real sparks and animosity. Although I’ve learned some important lessons from them, it was grueling going through the learning curve.
One of them earned the nickname “the weasel“. Although I didn’t give him that nickname, I certainly see how he earned it. He was always doing sneaky things and most were of a secretive nature. If he ever did anything ‘nice’ for you he reminded you of it with the statement “You owe me!”
His way of doing things made me want to avoid having anything to do with him. Everything had strings attached to it. Nothing was done out of love or altruism.
Whenever I dealt with ‘the weasel’, I had to watch my ‘p’s’ and ‘q’s’. Nothing was ever a simple request or kind gesture.
I hadn’t realized the long terms effects of the scar he left until I encountered someone with the same name years later. I found myself holding back in getting to know the new person with the same name based on the scars left from my previous interactions with the weasel.
Thankfully, the new person was nothing like the weasel and I eventually found myself able to trust again. Although it took some time, I now understand that not everyone with a certain name will behave in the same manner.
I still remember my interactions with ‘the weasel’.
What hurt most was that the weasel was a pastor. It hurt just thinking that of all people I would expect acts of charity from someone like that, but instead, any niceness had a price tag. I suppose that’s why Dr. Garcia labeled him ‘the weasel’.
In working with affairs, I’ve encountered that same weasel mindset more times than I’d like. It’s often used in forcing people into affairs and also in covering them up. The leverage of “You owe me” has been the source of many evils.
Countless one-night stands and seductions have started with some weasel having the “You owe me” thinking and way of doing things. For them, there is no trust, there is no love. Every interaction is either incurring or paying a debt. Life then becomes a series of transactions without love or decency. It’s a world driven by a guilt-ledger where they keep track of what you owe them, yet they ignore what they owe you.
When they take you out for a meal, they expect some favor in return. When they give you a ride, they want something. After a few dealings with them, it was a struggle to do anything nice for them or even like them.
I’m sure the weasel had his reasons for doing what he did. Whatever they were, he didn’t trust anyone. Nothing was done based on trust. Everything had become a matter of debts.
If you are dealing with a weasel or have been burned by a weasel, don’t let their lack of trust scar you. You can move beyond their level of doing things with the video “How Can I Trust You Again?” You can heal the scars of distrust and the asset and debit way of doing things in your marriage or in your workplace.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
