One area of concern about affairs I’ve recently received multiple inquiries about is the connection between emotional/mental disorders and affairs. Since the inquiries focus only on the connection between the two, this is a good time to address them.
Since I’ve already addressed the emotional and mental health issues related to the betrayer, this time I’ll examine the betrayed.
Let me start with a quote from the 18th-century British playwright William Congreve. He said “Heaven has no rage like love to hatred turned. Nor hell a fury, like a woman scorned.”
Like the literary works of many playwrights, it has been butchered over the years to where it’s now recalled as “Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.” I find that the original one expresses things best.
When you are suddenly faced with something that turns your emotions, there’s the chance that a sudden turn becomes explosive. Since affairs involve a sudden turn of emotions, you risk a sudden reaction from your spouse.
I don’t see the intensity of the emotional reaction much different in women than in men. In men, it could be explosive or a slow burn. The reaction is still there, yet it may be delayed.
Delayed emotional reactions to affairs, often observed in men, come with their own set of consequences. Unlike immediate reactions, these slow burns can lead to prolonged periods of emotional turmoil and tension. They can be subtler, harder to recognize, and thus more challenging to address. It’s akin to a slow poison that seeps into the relationship, gradually eroding trust and intimacy. Instead of a single blowout that may lead to quicker resolution or acceptance, this delayed response can perpetuate an environment of uncertainty and emotional volatility. Therefore, it’s crucial to recognize these delayed reactions and address them with open communication and professional help, if necessary.
All you have to do is watch the news. Not a week goes by where there’s not a story about a spouse who kills, stabs, or shoots their spouse related to an affair. Just recently a betrayed woman stabbed the betrayer while he was in a hospital room.
In another case, a betrayed husband went to the home of the wife who betrayed him, and after some brief words killed her and himself. These two cases illustrate the intense rage that happens.
This doesn’t happen in a majority of cases, although there’s always some risk. if you’re fortunate, the rage is momentary and they regain their senses before anyone is hurt more seriously.
The affair unleashes something inside of them. In some cases, the circumstances play a role, and in others, the news touches deep abandonment wounds inside them.
It’s like the news of the affair flips a switch. Once that switch is flipped, they unleash on the one who betrayed them or the lover. You can tell them “It’s not personal” all you want. At that moment, they take it personally no matter what the intentions were.
This doesn’t mean that the betrayed had mental or emotional issues beforehand. The sudden shock of news of an affair unpredictably changes things in terms of how you will take the news.
What I can tell you is that if there is a history of trauma, or emotional or mental issues beforehand, the odds are that the reaction will be intense.
If you’re dealing with a situation where there’s a history of trauma, violence or abuse, or emotional or mental issues, you’ll want to consider the video “Overcoming Affair Trauma”.
Its contents include ways of self-soothing and calming yourself so that you have some resilience in reacting to news of an affair.
Order your copy today, it will help you and them.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
