Yesterday, I pointed out how modern terms are making communication more complicated. It’s sad that instead of making communication clearer, many in academia are confusing things.
At a time when you need information in clear and uncertain terms, the self-help books leave your head spinning. You want solid, proven answers and instead your given confusing new terms you need a dictionary to understand.
Having clear communication is critical in rebuilding trust in your marriage. It’s another one of the ingredients of the Trust Formula.
Healthy marital communication is possible. One of the first challenge to healthy communication is pride.
Pride tells you that you’re a great communicator, when you may not be. You may be very good at expressing yourself, but that’s only part of being a good communicator.
Getting your point across clearly is a good start, but it’s only half of the communication process.
Being a good communicator also means you LISTEN to what your spouse is telling you. Listening involves hearing the words, their intentions and emotions. Listening requires tuning into them rather than talking over them or talking for them.
Being a good communicator also involves taking the time to talk things out. Instead of rushing through a rehearsed dialogue, or throwing up your hands in frustration, it requires going through the back and forth needed in really connecting with each other.
Taking the time to talk things out also includes knowing when to stop and when to resume discussions. In a healthy discussion both of you will feel heard and understood, even when you don’t agree.
If you leave your talks feeling ignored or silenced, there’s a good likelihood that the communication in your marriage needs help. In the video “How Can I Trust You Again?“, I address this key area and the others you need in rebuilding trust between the two of you.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
