Although the meanings and intentions behind affairs are varied, one thing is clear. What is clear is that an affair does not mean divorce. Sadly, even in the churches, people use an affair as an excuse for a divorce. When an affair occurs they see it as reason for a guilt-free divorce. In such cases, scripture is twisted to support what they believe and used to justify their actions. Irregardless of your theological take on scripture, affairs do not automatically mean divorce. Over the centuries many Christians have been guilty of infidelity, yet the divorce rates did not begin rising until the American revolution. The rates remained low (less than 5%) until the aftermath of the Civil War (5-10%). After the war, they began a slow climb that has rocketed to higher levels in the 20th century, where they are now 50%. Does this mean that people are now greater infidels? I do not believe that is the case, my take is that there has been more lawyers and greater acceptance of divorce as a solution to the affair situation. It is difficult to look at the big picture when you are hurting, so I remind you that an affair does not automatically mean divorce.
In terms of divorce, James Wilson, an early Supreme Court Justice identified two types of divorce. Divorce from the bed and the divorce from the marriage. Some couples have continued being married although they have divorced their spouse from the bedroom thinking that that makes their actions acceptable. Both types of divorce are repugnant. When they are in the midst of pain, partners often do things that they might not do if they were in a healthy frame of mind.
With work, the scars from the affair can be overcome and the question of divorce can be settled once and for all. Divorce is not the answer that settles things in responding to an affair.
Regards,
Jeff Murrah
