Secrets are the life blood of affairs. The secrecy and dangers involved add to the excitement of doing something that is forbidden. Some people hide their secrets out of shame and fear, others keep them for the rush and sense of power and control associated with secrets. Whether driven by shame or the stimulation, the behavior of keeping secrets is part of what keeps people locked into an affair situation. Early psychoanalytic literature pointed out that most secrets involve sexual matters dealing with secretions of the body. When I first came across that statement, I thought it was odd, but the longer I work with couples, the more I appreciate its truth. Part of the secrecy involves a sense of shame concerning the body and what it produces. People often do not know how to handle it. When a third party comes along and allows a person to address their body and its products, there is a strange attraction that hooks them in. The more shame, fear or excitement associated with the secret, the more power it has over the person and those involved.
The bond of secrecy has to be broken if healing is to occur. Some of the news items I have recently posted attest to the power of this bond and the power unleashed when it is broken or threatened.
Best Regards,
Jeffrey Murrah
