In working with affairs, the associated issues of marriage, divorce have to be addressed as well. These three are so entwined, it is hard to know where one ends and another begins. In looking for answers as to “What started all the problems with marriage and affairs?” and “What was the watershed event that started all the problems with marriage/divorce/affairs?” As I continue looking for answers new discoveries are made.
You may want to blame Hollywood, Hugh Hefner and his Playboy philosophy or the government for the current state of marriage and frequency of affairs in the United States today. Since the United States often influences others, the current state of marriage in the United States has global impact. When the reputation of one nation’s culture influences people around the world, it is pretty powerful. Although Hollywood, the playboy philosophy, the government, the sexual revolution and birth control all had an impact on marriage along with the frequency of affairs, they are secondary side shows. These events are part of the progressive weakening of marriage that flourished in the 19th century. The ‘crack in the foundation’ that weakened the institution was the ease at which divorces were granted by magistrates and judges. When the courts encroached on marriage by making rulings on divorce, it was a major shift. The courts began allowing divorce for reasons like having a spouse who ran a saloon or had offensive behaviors. The granting of divorces for frivilous reasons pleased the progressive thinkers, yet started a time bomb ticking that we are having to deal with now.
There may have been many reasons for the divorces granted in those days. It is doubtful that those seeking divorce realized that their actions were opening the door for the continued weakening of marriage over the decades. They were only focused on getting out of what they considered their ‘bad’ marriage. Had they realized the long term effects on their grand-children, Great grandchildren and great great grandchildren, they would have made other choices. At the time of the divorce, the spouses may have believed that they were ‘doing the right thing’. Yet, the example set by earlier generations, weakens the foundation that later generations stand on. Even in my home state such historic figures as William Barrett Travis and John Reagan contributed to this problem.
With the weakening of marriage and the marriage bond, affairs became more attractive. When a marriage is no longer a life-long commitment, then you are left wondering such questions as ‘how long is this commitment?’ and “does the marriage end when I am no longer in love?”. You may even use religious rationalizations and tell yourself that “God does not want me to be miserable” or “God would not want me to stay married to someone who does not believe like I do”. When you entertain such thoughts, you are setting yourself up for an affair. Before there is a one-night stand or other form of an affair, there are the rationalizations. Cheaters have to allow themselves to cheat. In some cases, the resolute spouse gives the signal to the cheater to indulge themselves.
The weakening of the institution of marriage has opened the door to many dangers. When marriages are strong, they can withstand Hollywood, the sexual revolution, the advances of swingers, the playboy philosophy and other threats. It is easy for you to blame the threats, yet the threat that they pose is minimal compared to the destructive influence of courts destroying marriages by granting divorces on demand when lives are not in danger, based solely on people no longer being ‘in love’. Such divorces amount to short term fixes which have LONG term consequences. The voiding of a life long union is not an action that ‘fixes’ much of anything.
Best Regards,
Jeff Murrah
