When you look through a magazine, there is a good likelihood that many of the photos and ads you view have been photoshopped. The photoshopping includes airbrushing out imperfections, enhancing the colors and changing the features of the image. The crazy thing is that many cheaters are enthralled with the images they see, wanting a life filled with those images and the photoshopped people they see. Even if it is not a magazine, the movies are also filled with people whose images have been made up and dressed up to appear more appealing than they are in real life. Since images are often the seed corn of fantasies, and fantasies are the seed corn of affairs, this is a foundational point. When the whole foundation of a fantasy that drives and affair is based on a doctored up image, it leaves the person chasing the fantasy seeking a person who does not really exist.
Many times the lovers in affairs are enhanced by imagination to be a person which they really aren’t. They have imperfections, flaws and scars that no amount of photoshopping can remedy. Sure the image of them can be enhanced, but the real person can not. You can paint them up with make up, but the real person is still inside. When the real person, be it the cheater or the lover are filled with ugly intentions, no amount of modification or money can change things. They are still breaking up a family. Homewreckers come in many shapes, sizes and colors. They are inwardly repulsive. The ugly scars they leave behind can not be doctored up. The cheater may be enthralled with them or them with the cheater, but the imperfections are still there.
Fantasies often function like photo shop, enhancing, coloring, blending and smoothing out the scars. Instead of fantasies, your marriage needs real life. You need to love your real life spouse, and accept them the way that they are. Real life spouses will not desert you when you are in crisis, they will not wash off like the make up on your fantasy lover does. They are real. They can be counted on. They also know the real you and accept you for who you really are. There is no need to put on airs, or appearances with your spouse.
Real life may not always be picture perfect, but it is REAL. It can be counted on and love us for who we are.
Best Regards,
Jeff Murrah
2 Responses
Jeff, this is a wonderful analogy… well stated. Unfortunately, most cheating spouses will never read this nor understand it. All too often they choose to live in the fog of their affairs and have no desire to “wake up and smell the coffee!” In addition, they seem to rewrite history in their minds and convince themselves that their past with their real-life spouse hadn’t been worth the effort and that they deserve better. We betrayed spouses end up bearing this burden along with everything else coming at us. This is a difficult thing to overcome. Thanks for trying to help us keep things in perspective.
Scott,
Thank you for the encouragement. Many spouses may never read much of the content here. Going through an affair situation is often a VERY LONELY road.