Affairs leave you vulnerable to exploitation and possible blackmail. When you or your spouse has an affair, it exposes your whole family to dangers. The damage is not limited to the cheater.
The dangers of affairs include public embarrassment, threats, being stalked, health risks, job loss, or worse. All of these are forms of exploitation. When the lover is in a position of authority, the situation is often made worse. (This includes affairs involving military, law enforcement, government jobs, the ministry, teachers, bosses, or firemen). That embarrassment is not limited to the cheater. Oftentimes the family of the cheater is ostracized and exploited as well.
There is also the danger of being exploited by cheaters in power positions. Those in government, law enforcement and the military often use their position to hide the affair or control others. When the lover is in one of those positions, it adds vulnerability to an already bad situation.
The lover may want to manipulate the situation. It is also possible that the lover has a jealous spouse who wants to manipulate the situation as well. When passions are aroused as happens with affairs, they also arouse other feelings, including insecurity, paranoia, and control. Since you are dealing with animal-like lust and not love, the lover will want to control or posses rather than be interested in what is best for the cheater or your family. They are only interested in their own selfish satisfaction.
Escaping the clutches of a possessive lover is challenging. They often exercise control over the cheater, which means taking steps to emotionally chain them or entrap them. The lover may do this by means of threats, stalking, spreading rumors, getting someone pregnant, blackmail or other extreme measures.
Since desperate people often do desperate things, the more desperate they are, the more trouble you will have leaving them. There are no easy options. Although you may think that you can just ‘talk things out like adults’, you are not dealing with adult level emotions here. You are dealing with self-gratification on a primitive level. They want what they want and do not care who they hurt in order to obtain it. Since you are dealing with primitive emotions, they are not open to rational discussions or solutions.
Best Regards,
Jeff Murrah
