A reader asked about ’emotional suffocation’. You may be like them and wonder about what emotional suffocation is along with it’s relationship to affairs.
Does it trigger affairs or is it the result of affairs?
Suffocation is the method of death associated with drowning. Suffocation refers to the stifling or choking.
It also applies to taking in substances that can not be aspirated. When you combine the ‘suffocation’ with emotions, several items emerge.
1) Using emotions to stifle, choke or destroy a relationship. When you’re considering relationships, this could be done by either withholding or overloading the relationship with emotions.
2) It also refers to when one spouse brings something into their relationship that the other can’t take in or accept. When viewed in terms of emotions, one spouse may be bringing some emotion or emotions that the other can not handle OR their actions trigger emotional reactions in their spouse that can not be handled.
It’s not by accident that the initial reaction to news of an affair is a choking or gagging reaction. You just heard news that you didn’t want to hear.
That news is alien to your marriage and triggers reactions in your body.
Each of these definitions take on interesting dynamics when applied to affairs. ‘Emotional suffocation’ could be a trigger leading to the affair, or a reaction to the affair.
It’s easy for the cheater to claim ’emotional suffocation’, yet they’re withholding the very emotions from you that you need. It’s easy blaming you and claiming that you’re too emotionally needy.
It’s convenient making such an accusation. The reality may be far from that. It is more likely that the cheater has pulled back from the emotional closeness that once existed and you want it back.
By claiming ’emotional suffocation’, the cheater is referencing a phenomena that seems outside of their control. The reality is that their actions contributed to the ’emotional suffocation’.
There are two types of suffocation, withholding and overloading. Both hurt your relationship.
What are you doing to keep your marriage from experiencing ’emotional suffocation?’
If your marriage experienced emotional suffocation, trust has been damaged. The trust can be rebuilt. The video “How Can I Trust You Again?” guides you in that rebuilding process.
When you trust, you can breathe easy once again. There is a reason that many bodily reactions to stress involve breathing.
Best Regards,
Jeff
