Yesterday I addressed the damage inflicted with the excuse of “it was just sex.” When a cheater tells you that, there is even more being revealed than they realize.
In using the phrase, the cheater is telling you about the focus of their life. They’re looking at relationships solely in terms of sex.
They are clueless about what intimacy is and how to foster it. Cheaters with such a focus will continue having problems even after the affair ends.
The reason they’ll continue having issues lies in their distorted views of intimacy. Although they want intimacy, they don’t know how to achieve it.
Their focus is all on the physical and sensual aspects of relationships. Their focus puts their aim on the wrong areas and wrong priorities.
Cheaters will go in the direction they are aimed at. Like guided missiles, they hit what they are aimed at. When the missile crisis in Cuba erupted, one of the fears was that the missiles were aimed at the United States.
The aim of your spouse determines where they will eventually go. With the ‘it was just sex’ crowd, the problem is not just sex, or the affair, it’s really about their focus. They started off with the wrong focus.
Their wrong focus led them in assuming that the way to achieve intimacy is through sex. They assume that the more sex they have gives them more intimacy. They don’t know intimacy outside of sex.
Having the wrong focus also means they’ll fix the wrong problem in affair recovery. They’ll think the issue is ‘who’ they had sex with. In really bad cases, they’ll assume that it was about the wrong kind of sex.
If this situation sounds like yours, you’d benefit from membership in the Restored Lifestyle community. There you’ll have access to forums and material guiding you in building up a healthy intimacy in your marriage.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
