A reader recently wrote me an email stating, ” I haven’t seen you address the issue of recurrent nightmares.” On reading it, I reacted “What?”
I knew I addressed the topic of nightmares along with dreams in some previous posts. I had, yet discovered on searching through the archives, that I hadn’t done so in about three years, so it’s high time for nightmares.
Dreams, including nightmares are part of the recovery process. Although unpleasant, nightmares are about your mind coming to grips with what’s going on. News of the affair is a shock. With any shocking news, it takes your mind and heart time to adjust to what just happened.
Your mind with its problem solving ability often handles news of an affair first. It takes longer for your heart to adjust to the news. When you don’t talk about your feelings or what’s going on with you, it takes even longer.
Like a split screen, your head and heart each show a different part of what you are dealing with. Those two systems try working together when you dream. With something as shocking as an affair, you may experience nightmares as they struggle with the affair.
Keep in mind that dreams are not reality. They feel very real, and can be vividly life-like, but they are not real life.
Fears often find a way of sneaking into your nightmares as well, creating terrifying ‘what if’ scenarios. At times, your own fears enjoy tormenting you while you sleep, if you can sleep. At times those same fears torment you by not letting you sleep at all. The more you give into it, the stronger the fears become.
The nightmares can happen with you or your spouse. They are not limited to just one person. The nightmares, like all highly emotional experiences need to be talked about in order to defuse them and the fears inspired by them.
The principles laid out in “Getting Past the Affair Crisis” are some of the same which will benefit you in dealing with nightmares. Rather than continue another day with your mind filled with horrid things, you can start changing things now.
Best Regards,
Jeff
