When you are the faithful spouse, you face some challenges. One of those challenges is that of being honest with yourself. You have to honestly assess what you are dealing with. You know that you are hurting, yet looking into that pain and where it really comes from is something that you do not want to do. It is not fun to honestly look into and figure out what kind of pain it is and where it is coming from. Sure, it is easy to blame the affair, yet that does not provide the kind of answers you really need.
I have talked about how some of you hold onto your pain. The length of time you hold onto may varies, from days to years. The kind of honesty I am talking about today involves really looking into that pain. When you look into it, is it more about your own pride being damaged because you can not believe that the cheater would do that to you? Is it the pain that comes from lost security in that you suddenly realize that for years you have been living a lie and now you do not know what to believe? Is it the pain of resentment where the cheater hurt you and you are wanting to find a way to ‘share’ your pain with them? Since pain is so unpleasant, we often do not sort out what kind of pain it is. Knowing what you are dealing with is critical in coming up with ‘real’ solutions to your situation. You need to know whether it is pride, insecurity, resentment, hatred or something else that is keeping you up at night and keeping your spouse from being there to keep you warm. Holding onto that pain will not keep you warm at night. Holding onto the pain will not magically give you control over the cheater and their actions. You are not dealing with emotional voodoo dolls here, you are dealing with real people. Real people means that you need real solutions. Those real solutions will only be found when you tackle them with real honesty.
Best Regards,
Jeffrey Murrah
