How to cope with a cheating spouse

When you are working through the damage of an affair, one of the issues that eventually needs to be dealt with is that of dealing with personal needs and wants. Although to some people this may seem like a simple topic, in the aftermath of an affair, it is not so easy. Since the emotions are so raw, there are often feelings of guilt and confusion concerning what those needs are and how to meet them. Since many people do not actually work through their needs, this is an area that is often neglected or misapplied.

When unmet needs arise, there is often a confusion over what those needs are and this matter is further complicated by using sex to address every need. Sex is important, but it is inadequate in meeting every need. Before using sex as a “fix it all”, you and your spouse will need to first, identify what your needs are versus what your wants are. Once you have separated those out, you can begin coming up with a game plan on how to meet those needs. It is work, yet it is worth it.

Best Regards,

Jeff Murrha

affairs, infidelity, marriage, Rebuilding the relationship, relationship, repairing adultery, repairing the marriage

One hallmark of healthy relationships and families is a sense of loyalty. Loyalty is fine when it is voluntarily given, yet becomes unhealthy or dysfunctional when it is forced. When loyalty must be obtained by coercion, something is wrong in the family. On the surface, the coerced loyalty looks like something that is ‘good’. Although it has the appearance of a good trait, the dynamics of such forced loyalty is that it often leads to people distrusting their inner voice of intuition. When your inner voice tells you that “something is wrong with this picture”, you need to speak out even if your spouse may view your questions as being disloyal. Even though something may not be going on, for you to have such doubts suggests that something may be wrong with the spirit of oneness within the marriage itself.

Best Regards,

Jeff Murrah

affairs and disloyalty, infidelity and distrust, learning to identify affairs before they happen, learning to trust, marriage, Rebuilding the relationship, relationships

After affairs are out in the open, many issues are finally brought out into the open. One ploy used by adulterers is to plant seeds of doubt. While they are in denial, they often block things out either intentionally or unintentionally. The impact of their denial is that it often plants seeds of doubt in the resolute spouse. The impact of their denial is that it begins having you doubt your own recollection of what was said and done. In such times you may feel that you are going crazy. Since this is a highly emotional time, people are often more susceptible to suggestion at this time. So when the adulterer denies or distorts the facts, it is like planting seeds inside the resolute spouse. The effects of those seeds are that they determine your reality and you begin doubting your own gut reactions and recollection of the facts.

Recognizing what is happening will help keep you from being deceived.

Best Regards,

Jeff Murrah

adultery, cheating, delusions of affairs, denial of adultery, denial of affair, marriage, Rebuilding the relationship, recovery from affairs, relationship